How I Was Diagnosed With ADHD

Okay, so picture this. I was 20 years old. I've always known, for my whole life, that something was a little "off". I always known that I'm an intelligent person. However, something was always... not right.

Not being able to concentrate on even simple things.

Having that thousand-yard-stare in class when I should be paying attention.

Not having the motivation to do things that I KNOW I should be doing.

Failing in school, even though I'm NOT DUMB!

Being late to work almost daily.

Now, as a child in school, I didn't really care. Sure, my bad grades CONCERNED me when my mother yelled at me, but it's not like I had to pay my own bills or be otherwise concerned with my own well being. My parents did that for me. As selfish and foolish as that sounds, that's how I was.

Then, a rude awakening...

Having to get a job, go to college, and be accountable for myself.

I found it hard not to fail.

And I kept failing.

One day, I saw a commercial for some ADHD medication. It started out with the old spiel.. "Do you find yourself lacking motivation? Can't pay attention?" And so on. I, shocked, actually paid attention and realized THIS IS ME. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE!!!!!!

It rang clear as a bell.. so I went to my doctor and voiced my concern. However, due to rampant abuse among people my age, I had to see a therapist before I could get medicine to participate in therapy.

The therapist talked to my parents and even a former teacher. He looked at my old report cards. From there, the evidence stacked up pretty cut-and-dry: I had ADHD.

I started taking Concerta.

The first day I took, Concerta, I cried. I will never forget it. I could concentrate. I could listen. I could remember. This gift, given to normal people, was finally mine to share and embrace. And I did, and continue to do so to a degree. But this medicine doesn't come without drawbacks, which I'll be explaining in other entries.

This diagnosis has been a miracle and a curse.

So Why Do I Hate ADHD?

Unlike a lot of people, I don't consider ADHD a blessing. I consider it a curse. A dirty, nasty curse that has all but ruined my life. Sure, life is what you make of it, but this - attention deficit disorder, or for the more politically correct among us, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or for the more frustrated among us, I CAN'T PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING! - has made everything much more difficult than it would be for a NORMAL person.

I tried being positive. I did! I tried thanking whoever for this "gift" and being thankful that I've always been a bit weird and unique and therefore fun, but you can't go through life just having fun. At some point, we have to get a job, we have to finish school, we have to settle down, and we have to stick with our responsibilities. ADD has given me procrastination and a profound lack of motivation in every sense. However, I can easily play video games for hours upon end.

And don't get me STARTED about the supposed treatment options. Yes, they are godsends, but let me tell you about each one I've tried. Adderall just made me more tired. Concerta (like Adderall for adults) made me hate everything and sent me into a rage. And Dexedrine, otherwise called Dextroamphetamine, is what I currently take. I feel good for a while, but eventually just wallow in my depression and desire to be cut off from other people.

I. CAN'T. WIN.

In this blog, I'll be writing original content, sharing articles of interest, and talking about supposed cures and reviewing them. Feel free to comment on anything and e-mail me anytime.