My 13 year old son has huge problems in listening to me. He is ADHD and sometimes I honestly think he doesn't hear me when I talk to him. So when I need him to listen to me I actually go to him and put my hand on his shoulder so I know that he hears me, then I talk to him. I know this might seem extreme but I need to do what works with my son and I know that I can get is attention by using my hand on his shoulder.
This gets me the best results with Sam. He is different from my other kids and I choose to make an allowance for that. I would prefer to focus on other more important things in Sam's life right now. Perhaps as he gets older this will get better.
I have a 14 year old who is not ADHD and I know is capable of more than his other brothers. So I hold him to a much higher standard. This is my choice. I have always told me children that they are individuals and as such I will treat them as individuals.
Sam is playing soccer this season but the others are not. He has a passion for soccer and applies himself diligently therefore I gave him an extra opportunity this season. And that was my choice because I am the mom. It still amazes me how Sam can concentrate so well when there are balls involved but when it comes to listening he just can't quite manage. We are still working on this with him.
When I talk to my children, they are expected to come immediately to help out. But I do still help my little one by going to her and getting down to her level. If you have a child under about 8 years of age, it can help to get down to their level. Even if it means getting onto the floor to talk to them, they will appreciate it and this will help you to connect with your child. It also helps the child realize that you are interested in their world.
I do not call out to my kids through the house unless there is a very urgent reason. We need to model the behavior that we require from our kids and if we call out to them they will do exactly the same. Kids do not do what you tell them to do, but what they see modeled to them. This can be fantastic but it can also work against you if you are not careful.
When we model listening to our kids, our kids will listen to us in return. It really is as simple as that. Don't expect your child to what you are not prepared to do for them. Parenting is a two way street and both parties need to work together to achieve success.
These are just some of the things I do to get my kids to listen to me. The main thing is that if something works for you and your family, then keep on doing it. Different children respond in different ways so what is right for your family might not be right for the next family. Just stick with what works for you.
About the Author
Kim is a single mum with four kids who lives on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. she is a best selling author as well as a child behavior management expert and her ebook on raising well behaved children can be found on her web site: www.mychildcanbehave.com
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